Velléité.

I hate this feeling when you don’t want to keep your hopes high on something that you really want. 

Last saturday was a disarray of emotions for me. :)) I was able to make it to the final step for a job I’ve been eyeing out for months. I have undergone written tests, online coding and technical phone interview weeks before for that role. It’s like passing through the eye of the needle to be able to reach the final step. I’ll just summarize with the good and the bad…

The Bad:

The whole day was full of pressure since after the morning coding exam, two of my friends were asked to go home. I was already teary-eyed because of the thought that I’ll be left alone. When I proceeded to the second phase, I have undergone 3 interviews from different people. One asked me regarding my experience and some technical questions. The next one asked how do I see myself in 4-5 years. And the last one critiqued my code, this was where I felt my chances for getting in dropped! *GG mode* =))

The entire process really drained me. I was tired, not only physically (i love high heels…not), but also mentally and emotionally. It’s the first time since 2008 that I felt this kind of nervousness. I was trembling literally and my hands were very cold throughout the day. I thought that I’ll be able to relax afterwards but they told us that the results will be released after a week. I felt soooooo exhausted, I just wanted to lie down… I was like:

I was like...
Dat feeling…

I just wished they already decided on that instant so that I’ll be able to accept my fate immediately. :)) But alas, here I am thinking of those things over and over again.

The Good:

Somehow, I’m comforted  by the thought that I was able to make it until the final step. From the 30+ who were shortlisted for the face-to-face interview, I’m one of the 13 who made it to the interview and group presentation. I still thank God for letting me go to the second phase. At least I know that I’m capable of making it ’til the end  and there are things that I still don’t know. 🙂

When the session was finished, I had some nice chitchat with some of the applicants and made new friends. They even accompanied me to the mall and exchanged contacts so that we can update one another.

Well, I will accept whatever’s the result of the interview. I will always be grateful with the lessons this experience taught me and some things that it made me appreciate… 🙂

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When You Feel Like Giving Up On Love

There’s always this one time when losing a significant part of us forces us to learn the tough way.

But, there’s also this time when struggling gets easier day after day; when getting by doesn’t hurt as much anymore. One day, tears naturally dry up and fears start melting away. And then the next thing we know, we are beginning to be whole again.

We hurt not because of love… but because we forget what love is. 🙂

Thought Catalog

At least once in your life, have you ever turned your back on love? Have you ever felt love demanded too much from you, or too much of you? Ever felt love plays favoritism and you believed you weren’t one of it?

Sometimes in our lives, we can’t deny that our stars are arranged that way — when we purposely force ourselves to leave love behind because at one point, everything hits beside the mark. No matter how we try to put our shattered pieces back together, nothing ever fits perfectly again. We try so hard to move on with life having a beaten drive. We go on with a figuratively dying self, crawling with the very last strength we have. There’s always this one time when losing a significant part of us forces us to learn the tough way.

But, there’s also this time when struggling gets easier day after day; when getting by…

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