Breathing anew

It’s been a looong time since I have updated this blog. There were a lot of things that happened both good and bad for the past year. But despite all the challenges and disappointments, I came out stronger. For this year, hmmm, life has been good to me so far (and please continue to do so! *crosses fingers*) Below is the summary of the first few months of my 2018:

New job:  I am currently working as a senior system analyst for a company who specializes in healthcare systems.  It’s a very interesting job, you get to meet a lot of people (doctors, nurses, office admins, etc.) So far, the stressful thing that I’ve encountered was presenting one of our applications to the different stakeholders of Ministry of Health (MOH). I remember stuttering and having very sweaty palms at that time! I’m really not used with talking in front of a large group of people especially if they are holding important positions, I get intimidated and nervous. 😦 But looking at the brighter side I get to hone my presentation and communication skills.

Stronger relationships: As much as I can, I message/call my parents and siblings to check on them and to be updated on the latest happenings in their lives (also to be get new pictures of my beloved Ashe cat haha! :3) I’ve made new friends in my present company while keeping in touch with my colleagues from my previous company. As for my friends in the Philippines I try to set a time to have a video call session or just chat with them. Last but not the least, my boyfriend and I just celebrated our 3rd anniversary last week! When I was still young, innocent, and beautiful :)) I thought that being in a romantic relationship required a lot of effort. But being with the right person makes things easy. 🙂 Yes, romance still requires effort but if the person understands you and is willing to compromise then it shouldn’t be that hard (unlike what they usually portray in the movies -_-).

Better self-awareness: I turned 27 last March, and as I became a year older I learned to be good to my self, to appreciate my strengths and to improve on my weaknesses. Before you can love others, you must love yourself first right? 😀  I’ve come to the point that I am not bothered of what other people will think of me. I cannot directly control them or force them into liking me or agreeing with me. I only have control over one person and that is myself. Hey, we are not born into this world just to impress other people albeit total strangers. I know that each one of us is here for a greater purpose (though I’m still searching for mine). ^^ As long as I am not doing anything wrong or hurting anyone, I will choose whatever makes me happy. Because at the end of the day, I am my longest commitment. Besides, those who matter will understand and will stay with me. This is my mantra! 🙂

I know that this year will bring more challenges, but as long I grow and learn I’ll welcome them with open arms.

P.S.

I’ll try my best to write a post every month. ^^

Advertisements

Gideon

I want to write a poem
containing everything
that I liked and loved
about you.

But alas! Twenty-six letters
of the alphabet are not enough
to encapsulate even a single flake
of your being.

But still, l will try,
because this feeling
would not even let my head
go to slumber.

For all that has been and will be
one thing is for certain,
you, my beloved, is an
endless metaphor…

You are a wild fire that burns
my skin with every single touch.
You are the blood that rushes
to my lips to bring out the life in it.

You are the truth that shakes
the very foundation of my soul.
You are the beam of light that illuminates
the deepest abyss of my mind.

You are the faith that uplifts
this fallen spirit of mine.
You are the certainty that erases
every doubt in my heart.

I will stop here for now,
for elucidating you is a limitless venture,
just like my love: unbounded, inexhaustible, enduring
in this finite world of ours.

——————-
My first poem for the year. I was torn between writing an ode and a haiku, but look where I ended up… writing a free verse! ^^;
Haha it took me this long to create a new one. I’ve been busy with work and dates for the past months. 😀

Two is Better than One – Boys Like Girls ft. Taylor Swift

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought hey
You know, this could be something

‘Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I’m left with nothing

So maybe it’s true that I can’t live without you
And maybe two is better than one
But there’s so much time to figure out the best of my life
And you’ve already got me coming undone
And I’m thinking two is better than one

I remember every look upon your face
The way you roll your eyes, the way you taste
You make it hard for breathing

‘Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything’s okay
I’m finally now believing

Then maybe it’s true that I can’t live without you
And maybe two is better than one
But there’s so much time to figure out the best of my life
And you’ve already got me coming undone
And I’m thinking two is better than one

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought, hey (hey, hey)

Maybe it’s true that I can’t live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There’s so much time to figure out the best of my life
And you’ve already got me coming undone

And I’m thinking, ooh, I can’t live without you
‘Cause, baby, two is better than one
There’s so much time to figure out the best of my life
But I’ll figure out with all that’s said and done
Two is better than one, two is better than one

——-

This song still gets me tho. 🙂

“It frightens me that I can’t do anything sensible about it.”
“Are you scared that you’ll wind up with a boring job where you have to see the same people every day and drink instant coffee?”
“I’m more scared that I’ll forget the feelings that I have now.”
“Kind of like how you forgot how it feels to be three years old.”
“That surely I’ll wind up thinking: I was so young, I didn’t really understand everything. It bothers me that I know I will be wrong.”

– Gunnar Ardelius, “I Need You More Than I Love You and I Love You to Bits”

Note to self.

I don’t like being sad or being bothered by some vague feeling. I lack sleep because of that. I can’t do any other thing but to think. I tend to ignore it and to look at other things instead.

I guess I should stop overworking just to divert my attention . I shouldn’t be running away from this personal issue of mine. I should have the heart to face and to eventually resolve it. It’s either I accept it or move on from it. The past few days, I’ve been dodging people. I tend to go all alone with myself in order for me to have larger breathing space. One would often see me at the Affecting Learning Laboratory for Students (ALLS) at Faura, doing work. I don’t hang out with certain people anymore, even with my girl bestfriend. I just don’t feel like it. @_@

The only thing I can do as of now is to be able to confirm to myself what I really want? What path should I take? Should I take the risk or not? Well, this journey in front of me is not smooth. I can see a lot of waiting, patience and effort. That’s where this feeling of uncertainty on something enters. It’s either I stay to be on the safe side  or move forward and take the possibility of destroying something dear to me if ever things won’t work out. 😦 I am really caught in this crossfire between what I feel and what I think is the right thing to do. ><

I promise to overcome this before the start of July. 🙂