Time for a pause…

The month of July, so far, has been the most tiring month in the history of Joycekind. It was the only month where in I didn’t get any decent sleep for consecutive days. (Just like today, I haven’t slept for a single bit. O_O I wonder how come I can survive such deprivation of sleep without getting the much dreaded eyebags . Xd )

Everytime I get home, my first stop is not the dinner table but my study table. I always check my laptop and planner for tasks that should be accomplished for the day. I create time schedules for everything that I must do. Whenever I take a look at them, my appetite tends to go away, good thing my mom brings me mangoes and juices come midnight. (I love you mama! )

The past few weeks, I remembered being emotional, snappy, lost and even hyper because of lack of sleep. I don’t have the right to whine about the work that I’m doing because in the first place, I could have say “No.” Like what I said to one of my friends, I took those responsibilities so better stand up for it. >< I am aware that they will eventually pile up everyday, leaving me… numb? Well I really don’t know how to describe what’s happening to me now.

These “busy days” have affected me in some aspects. When it comes to my personal life, I would go home early or won’t hang out with my friends because of my deadlines. I think I’ve been spending lesser time with my girl bestfriend, Stef. I wanted to share my stories and “latest gossips” to her, but whenever I’m online on yahoo messenger, I tend to talk to other people about reports, meetings and their personal problems. I really appreciate her care for me whenever she sees the things I have to do. I always wait for my close friends to Instant Message me. I just can’t click on their names, and I don’t know why, maybe because I don’t know what to say to them or maybe I’m afraid that I’m disturbing them. 😦 The same goes to my guy bestfriend, I always find myself with nothing left to say whenever I’m with him. I know that there are a lot of things that I wanted to tell to him, I just don’t know where or how to start. I am the type of person who won’t open up to things that deal with feelings unless you start the topic. I missed those carefree days of ours. I don’t know if I’m the one who noticed the changes in our relationship… I just have to say that I miss a lot of things about our friendship. There’s something odd about it right now, and I can’t figure out what is it. :<

When it comes to school, I have to admit that it’s backfiring on my academics (oh not again. D:). I’ve been cutting some classes either because of fatigue or because of more important things to deal with at the moment. Every night, I read the assigned readings but ends up understanding nothing, my mind is too distracted by the pile of work that needs to be done. :)) I still have this bet with my bestfriend on getting high grades on Theology and Philosophy at the end of the semester. So far, I guess he’s leading. I received my first quiz on Ph104 a while ago. I got the main points of the quiz but was not organized in stating it. I mentioned some irrelevant points that “doesn’t make any sense” quoting from one of the comments of my professor. T_T Also when it comes to my Th141, I am confident that my last two quizzes were just barely passing. @_@ I have the right to be sad or to grieve because of these events, but being me, I tend to let it pass. I just ignore the occurrence of unfortunate things and just keep on moving forward. I guess I really need to pause for a while and reflect on my life as a senior student so far.

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Well, after this week, hopefully, I can take a break from everything. I wanted to breathe some fresh air… And eventually, fix my grades. It’s not yet late to change things. I promise that this time around, I’ll make things happen. 🙂

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